Thursday, December 27, 2012

This is holy ground.

It's been a long time since I've blogged.  Life has been humming along and I've been busy enjoying it.  I've been busy welcoming new grandchildren into our family, five as of now and another on the way! I've been enjoying the lifestyle of empty nesters, doing what we want, when we want, and how we want.  Life took an interesting turn in June of this year.  I can't say it was unexpected because Daddy had been very sick for quite a while and had defiantly cheated death several times.  Still, we weren't really ready.  There were still important discussions that needed to take place.  I hadn't gotten all the detailed directions I would need to take care of Momma and all their affairs.  He didn't like having those conversations.  I guess he felt like it was giving in to the inevitable.  After all, this is the man after a fifty day hospitalization/rehab. stay, came home and bought a small boat to take fishing because he was too weak to stand that long!  He had bounced back and come home to Momma so many times, we just thought he would again.  This time was to be different.  He bounced back and went home all right, but he bounced all the way to Heaven and went home to his Savior and Creator.  I'm happy for him.  No more transfusions, no more pain, no more weakness or picking up nasty stomach bugs during long hospitalizations. 

On June 2nd, one day after their 58th wedding anniversary, Daddy died.  This began a journey for my Momma, my brother and me that we hadn't prepared for and weren't sure where to begin.  You see, Daddy was Momma's greatest love, biggest fan, and fiercest protector.  He wasn't just her world, he was her whole world.  Momma was suppose to go long before Daddy.  As she said, "They had a deal."  That's why he hung on and endured so much pain, so much suffering.  He was determined to keep his part of the deal and let her go first.  He was determined to take care of her.  Momma has congestive heart failure and dementia.  Daddy took care of her every need and whim.  He totally spoiled her and she was totally dependent on him.  She hasn't prepared food, driven, or managed their financial matters in years.  Daddy took care of literally everything.  That's where my journey in being a caregiver begins and that is what brings me here to blogging again.   Writing helps me hear myself and helps the stress involved slip away.  This is the hardest role I have ever played with so many fragile pieces to keep in balance.  I want to honestly journal the journey; the highs and the lows.  While it is sometimes funny and joyful and at other times just plain hard, exhausting, and tearful; it is at all times sacred and holy.  Make no mistake this is holy ground we are traveling.