Taking up my cross

Then He said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23) I've pondered this verse for a long time. It streams through my mind, makes my heart race, and my soul long for Him. Every time I think I get it the Spirit reveals more and more to me. I grew up hearing the saying "It's just my cross to bear" when someone was talking about a burden or struggle in their life. They were usually referring to some physical condition or pain, emotional pain, etc... that they had to endure. I don't believe Jesus was talking about our physical life when He "said to them all: Take up your cross." Paul referred to having a "thorn in his flesh", but he never called it his "cross to bear." Fix the mental picture in your mind. A thorn compared to a cross. It really helped me put my fleshly struggles in perspective. So what does it mean????? I'm discovering day by day more and more what it means to me. I have discovered that first I must have the desire to follow Him, "If anyone would come after me..." The desire's not usually the hard part for me (I'm such a Peter!). It's the follow thru that gets me. It's that next part that took me a long time to understand, "... he must deny himself ...". There it is; the step that I so often stub my toe on and stumble. How do I deny myself? Sometimes I get so focused on trying not to sin that the sin becomes bigger than the Savior. In order to deny myself it means I want what He wants for me. It means I long for life in Him not the life I create for myself. Jesus says just a few verses later that to find our life we have to lose our life for Him. That means letting go of things that come between me and my Lord.